If I die Young
by bookloony
Summary: "If I die young..." Maybe Eponine wanted to die young. Eponine / Enjolras. Enjonine.
1. Chapter 1

"_If I die young, I want to find true love." _These were the words a 6 year old Eponine repeated constantly while she looked outside of the window, dreamily.

Of course, one does not simply knows the meaning of love at such a young age, but Eponine daydreamed about it. It was _her dream._

"_Of course you will, look at you, you are a beautiful young princess."_ Her mother used to say.

Even when she grew older and her mother started changing her attitude towards her, she still remembered those words with love, deep inside her.

When she turned 14, she learned love wasn't an easy thing. And I'm not meaning the couple kind of love, I mean love in general.

The love a child has towards her mother, the love friends have, the love of a mother or a father.

She learned this because she found it kind of hard to keep loving her parents. No, she loved them, just couldn't understand them.

They were harsh with her, but "_that's what parents do." _She used to think.

That only made her wish more about finding true love, so she could feel how being cared about felt.

But the dream little Eponine once had, was buried inside her.

She let the darkness overcome it.

Though, there was still a part of her that still believed it would come true.

But everything changed one afternoon.

She went to her mother to the market, to "be shown how business is done" said her mother.

She didn't really pay attention to what her mother was saying, she was just imagining herself riding a horse, she always wanted to do that.

Then she saw it, it still come to her on nightmares afterward.

There was a young lady, she was trapped on a man's strong arms. Even though Eponine was staring from a few feet away from her, she could still see the tears streaming down her face.

The man started yelling at her, then he hit her.

The poor woman fell to the ground and cried in pain.

Eponine felt the urge to go to help the young lady, but her mother stopped her and whispered into her ear "That's none of your business."

When she got home she didn't dare to ask her parents about it.

She never saw anything like it.

Sure, her dad pushed her sometimes but never _that _hard.

But curiosity was killing her, so she decided to go with her older sister, Azelma.

When she asked about this she just shrugged and said: "That's how it is."

Eponine didn't understand, she knew love wasn't easy, but that wasn't _love _that was _horrible._

She complained about this with her sister, but she limited to shake her head and say: "No Eponine, it's not like that."

But Eponine wouldn't give up, not that easily, she wanted a full explanation.

Eponine got into Azelma's nerves and she couldn't take Eponine's questions anymore.

"Love is like that, Eponine! Can't you get that? It's pain, and there's nothing we can do about it." She yelled at her, "You think you will get a handsome and caring husband on your door? Well you're wrong, you will get either a drunk man or a street thief. That's what _we'll _get, we can't get anything better."

You can't blame Azelma for acting like that, she just couldn't handle poor Eponine´s questions anymore, or shall I say, couldn't answer them.

Azelma's life wasn't easy, neither her love life. She didn't get a kiss on the first date, she got a nasty purple bruise on her cheek.

That's why she yelled all those terrible things to Eponine, because that's how she saw love.

Her parents treated her like that, every man she met treated her life that, so you can't expect her to see love as a wonderful adventure.

But she didn't realize how that affected her 14-year-old sister.

At first, Eponine thought she was just exaggerating things, but then she realized the cruel reality. Azelma was right.

She was used to be treated bad by every person she knew, but Azelma made her realize how bad that was.

Little by little, Eponine changed her dream, if we can call it like that.

"_If I die young, I want it to be worth it."_

She still loved.

She loved her parents, even though they were no the kindest.

She loved her siblings, Azelma and Gavroche.

But she promised herself she would never love anyone else, it was too risky.

But, as many promises, she broke it.

She broke the promise a few years after, when she met Marius Pontmercy.

She wasn't expecting him to come into her life so unexpectedly. She wasn't expecting to fall in love.

In fact, she didn't call it _"love"_ officially at first. She just repeated to herself that she just enjoyed his company. She just enjoyed his laughter.

His touch.

His voice.

She _just _liked him.

You can't blame her for braking her promise. Marius Pontmercy was the first person to be actually kind to her.

Kindness.

She liked the sound of that.

Marius was her favorite person.

"_If I die young, at leat it will be worth it." _She hoped.


	2. Chapter 2

The cold air hit Eponine's face softly.

It would have been enjoyable, if Eponine wasn't freezing to death.

Her weak legs were trembling and she felt like every step she took, was her last one.

But there was something… someone that was keeping her feet moving.

Marius had told her that morning to meet him in a place called "The ABC café" He told her it was important.

"Don't go," Azelma had warned her "He will not say what you expect."

But Eponine didn't care, she just wanted to be with him. Her friend.

_Friend._

She doubt she would actually _get _there. She stopped to admire a café. Wondering if it was the one Marius had told her about.

It was a big café.

Probably bigger than her father's Inn. She stared at it for a minute, doubting if it was the right one.

A freckled boy standing next to the door made all her doubts vanish immediately.

"Ma...ri…us..." Was all that managed to escape from her lips.

He didn't hear her, but casually, he turned her head towards her.

"'Ponine!" He shouted and ran towards her. "You came!"

All the cold, and the fact that she was freezing, left her mind.

"Well of course I came you fool," She chuckled. "What was that so important that you needed to tell me?"

The words slipped out of her mouth almost unintentionally. She was just really excited to hear what Marius had to say.

"Oh yeah…" He hesitated a minute, like if wondering if he was doing the right thing by telling her. "Um… Have… Have you heard about the revolution?"

Eponine stared at him, only realizing a few minutes later that she had to answer. "Yeah… I've heard people talking about rising against the king and stuff… What about it?"

"Well I kind of… joined the cause?" He said, more like a question than a statement.

Eponine's stomach dropped.

She only knew one thing about the revolution and the revolutionaries: they were bad news.

Every man who had to do with the revolution wouldn't be alive long.

"Are you sure about this?" She asked, and somewhere deep inside her, she wished he would say "_No, it was a joke!"_

But it wasn't a joke, and he didn't.

"Absolutely. This is a great cause, we are always protesting about the king but we never do anything about it, this is the time, Eponine." He said. There was a special sparkling in his eyes.

"Why would you care?" She asked.

She didn't mean to sound rude, but she really questioned his decisions.

Why would a young handsome boy, like Marius, that never knew what hunger and pain was, would like to join a revolution?

"Because it's my people, it's my patria Eponine." He answered.

Eponine wasn't really sure about his answer, and was about to say something, but Marius talked first.

"Now, my question to you is: Do you want to join the revolution?"

This took Eponine by surprise.

"Marius, I don't-"

"Before you say anything," He said "Come inside and listen to Enjolras, he gives really good speeches."

"Enjolras?" She asked.

"Yes, he's the leader, he told us to find volunteers as soon as possible." He said.

"And why would a speech change my mind?" She asked, rising and eyebrow.

"I'm just asking you to listen to him, then, if you still don't want to join, I won't make you." He said smiling "Deal?"

A speech?

Eponine never was a good listener, her mind was always somewhere else and a speech sounded rather boring.

"Please?" Marius begged.

She couldn't resist.

"Deal."

She would only get there to please Marius, then she will tell him her parents wouldn't like a revolutionary daughter.

She never noticed when her weakness for Marius began, but every time he smiled, she gave up.

Marius held her hand and took her inside.

Eponine's heart fluttered the moment she made contact with his skin and she followed him gladly, even though she couldn't feel her legs.

Inside was so much warmer and Eponine smiled to feel a bit of warmness.

Everyone turned their heads to them and Eponine felt uncomfortable noticing that she was the only girl.

"Well, well, who is this beautiful mademoiselle?" Said one.

Eponine said nothing, hoping Marius would introduce her.

"This, my friends, is my dear friend Eponine." He introduced her to the others.

_Friend, _Eponine echoed in her head.

She heard a lot of murmurs around her, greeting her.

Each one of them introduced themselves and Eponine tried her best to remember their names:

_Grantaire…. The one with the bottle. Joly, Combeferre…._

She couldn't list the rest of them, but she knew that she would remember them later, as they were so nice to her.

The last one though, was the most serious man she had ever seen.

She had stayed silent while the other ones introduced themselves and, when they were done, she got to his feet and walked over to them.

Eponine felt a shiver go down her spine.

She didn't know who he was, but he had already succeeded on intimidating her.

He had a very unique way of walking, powerful but graceful.

Everyone stayed silent for a minute and Eponine knew they had respect to him.

He stood in front of them and scanned Eponine up and down, like if deciding if she was worth of his presence.

"Nice to meet you, mademoiselle" He said "I'm Enjolras."

His voice was softer than she had imagined, but it was still strong.

Eponine nodded, not really knowing what to say, aside that she knew that she talking, she would sound weak due the cold.

He then turned to Marius, "No offense, but what is she doing here?"

Marius smiled, "You told us to get as many volunteers as we could."

"Yes, I did." He said, then got closer to him, like if not wanting Eponine listening.

Joly noticed this and went to try to begin a conversation with her, but she could still hear Enjolras words clearly: "_This is __**not **__a place for her. She's from the streets, and she is a woman, she won't last."_

She faked a smile at Joly, but fury was burning up inside her.

She couldn't hear Marius response, but she couldn't care in that moment.

"I think I'd better go." She said, knowing she wasn't wanted there and that if she stayed, she would punch Enjolras pretty face.

"No! Stay please." Marius and some of the others said at the same time.

Marius then turned to Enjolras, "You say you fight for the people of France, but you don't let them hear your speeches? You don't let them join the cause? What kind of leader are you, Enjolras?"

No one could saw it, but Enjolras was burning inside, he just managed the situation very well.

He took a deep breath and said: "Fine, she can stay."

She mumbled a "thank you." But was mad at how she needed _his _approval to stay.

She took a place next to Marius.

Enjolras began his speech, with a very calmed but powerful voice.

Eponine was really interested on the speech but was pissed at how he spoke of the people on the streets.

_Vulnerable._

_Weak._

_"In need of our help."_

She did have a place to stay, her father's inn, but when she was kicked out for a few days, she had to like on the streets.

She knew how was to live on the streets.

Yes, it was quite rough. Yes, they needed help. But they're not _weak._

They're strong enough to keep going, even though they feel like there was no hope left.

Watching your own kids starve to death is not an easy thing, but they didn't just lay down and waited for a miracle to happen, they worked.

At the end of the meeting Eponine faked a smile to Enjolras and told him she enjoyed the speech.

"And?" Said Marius "Are you staying?"

Eponine was taken aback, realizing she had to make a decision in that moment.

She looked around her, everyone was smiling at her.

Everyone except Enjolras, of course, who was just sitting there, probably hoping her answer was a no.

"Come on," Grantaire said, taking another sip of his bottle "We don't bite."

She thought of the possibilities:

If her parents found out, she would be dead.

If she joins the cause, she would probably get killed or sent to jail.

She was the only girl so it'd be awkward.

Not to mention: She _would get killed._

But if she joined she would also have friends, more than one.

She'd get to see Marius every day.

She'll have a cause.

Not to mention: She will get to _annoy Enjolras._

"Okay," She finally said "I will join.

Everyone cheered.

They all drank and laughed, until it was time to go.

One of the last ones leaving was Grantaire, who yelled: "Eponine! The first volunteer!" before leaving (tripping constantly because he was drunk).

Marius, Eponine and Enjolras were the only ones left.

Enjolras had stayed quite all the time, so when he spoke, "_he sounds weird" _Eponine thought.

"I'm glad you joined the cause, mademoiselle." He said, almost forcing it.

"My pleasure." She answered.

"Well, I better be going." Said Marius, noticing the tension between the two.

"Yeah, me too." She said, then added "And by the way, I don't live on the streets."

She then proceeded to leave the café.


	3. Chapter 3

"Where have you been?" Her father asked the second she stepped in.

"With a friend." Eponine simply answered.

"And what gives you the right to be _this _late?" He asked angrily.

"I lost the track of time." She said, choosing her words carefully.

Her father pushed her against the wall and took her arm, "You lost the track of time?"

She nodded painfully.

Her father raised his arm, preparing to hit her.

"No! Wait!" A voice came to Eponine's rescue.

Behind the tall figure of her father, stood Azelma.

"_No, Azelma don't be an idiot, go." _She thought, but the words wouldn't come out.

Monsieur Thenardier let go of Eponine's arm and turned to see her eldest daughter in disgust.

He then walked over to her, with that unique way of walking of his.

He slammed her against the wall too, but it wasn't as bad as Eponine thought as he just murmured: "Shut up." And proceeded to leave the room.

Eponine's first reaction was to run to her sister's side.

"Are you okay?" She asked.

Azelma nodded.

"You shouldn't have done that." Eponine said, once Azelma sat up.

"He would have killed you." She whispered.

Eponine chuckled softly, "He has never-"

"No," Azelma interrupted her "He _would_ have _killed you." _

Eponine's face went pale, knowing her sister was serious.

"_What happened?" _She whispered softly, fearing the answer.

"Gavroche," Azelma said "He escaped."

"What do you mean he escaped? Maybe he just went to-"

"No," Azelma interrupted again. Eponine could see the pain in her eyes, and didn't question her again "He escaped Eponine, he's gone."

Eponine's head ached, realizing the cruel reality.

Her legs became weaker, and she feared for a minute that she was going to faint.

"That's why he's so angry." Azelma whispered softly, "He knew he was going to lose a lot of money the moment he realized Gavroche was gone, and he thought you had escaped too."

Eponine laid on her back, ignoring the pain.

She stared at the ceiling.

"How clever of him, right?" Azelma chuckled softly. "He's always been the smartest."

Eponine smiled, remembering his younger brother.

"It was not clever." She said "Now he'll live on the streets, with no food… no shelter…" She couldn't go on. She couldn't dare imagining her brother like that.

"We've been worse Eponine, and you know it." Azelma said. "I personally would prefer living on the streets than living hell here."

Eponine closed her eyes. For a moment, she actually thought about the possibility of living on the streets.

"But sadly I can't." Azelma said, her voice trembling. Eponine knew she was close to tears, so she stood up and went to sit next to her, rubbing her back.

"I'm too involved into Father's gang." She continued "They would find me in a heartbeat…. And kill me."

Eponine felt a sudden pity for her own sister.

"But you don't Eponine, you are not involved. Not yet, but he will get you into that as soon as possible." She turned to her and cupped Eponine's face in her fragile hands. "Eponine, you're still on time, run away, escape. Leave as soon as possible."

Eponine jerked away from her touch.

"No, I won't let you here." She said softly.

"Don't worry about me, I have no escape, but you do." Azelma answered, with the softest voice Eponine had ever heard "You can go find Gravoche, you can both have a better life…"

"No! Don't go on. I miss Gravoche, I won't deny it. But he's a smart, I'm more worried about you."

Azelma stood up, and by the look in her face, Eponine knew she was in a lot of pain.

"I'm going to bed." She whispered "Think about it 'Ponine."

Eponine didn't even noticed when Azelma left the room, she just stared at the floor.

She stayed like that for what seemed like hours, but she knew that she had to get up in a moment.

She forced herself to stand up, and slowly walked to her room.

She laid on her bed and closed her eyes.

How many pain and happiness on a single day.

She made new friends that they.

Her little brother escaped that day.

Her father hit her that day.

Her _own sister_ told her to escape that day.

"Oh God, my life is a mess." She whispered, before drifting into a deep sleep.

Eponine glanced nervously around her.

She knew her father wasn't following her, but she couldn't help it.

Her father sent her to check if the coast was clear… that meant she had to check if the police was around.

But she thought that just a quick visit to the ABC café would do no harm.

"You came back!" Joly yelled the moment she stepped in.

She jumped a little, "Of course I came back, I said so yesterday."

"Yes, but we were doubting if you would actually come around." Courfeyrac said, taking a seat next to Joly.

Eponine smiled nervously and looked around for Marius.

"_Just a minute, I'm leaving in a minute." _

Enjolras wasn't giving a speech that day, he was discussing something with Marius.

They seemed to be discussing really serious stuff and she didn't want to interrupt.

But she was running out of time.

She turned around slowly, promising herself that she would come back the next day.

"Hey 'Ponine!" She stopped in her tracks when he heard Marius' soft voice calling her.

She cursed under her breath and turned around.

Few feet away from her, stood Marius with a bright smile.

Behind him, stood Enjolras, annoyed that she had interrupted his "meeting".

Eponine seemed to forget the fact that she had to get out of there if she wanted to stay alive, when she saw Marius' smile.

There was something about that smile.

That smile could make her feel a little bit happier.

"Come here," said Marius "We're-"

Eponine interrupted him "No Marius… I'm sorry, I really have to go…"

"You just arrived!" He said, almost sadly.

Eponine didn't know what to say. She didn't have any excuse.

She could feel the cold sweat going down her back.

She tried to control her breathing, but it was betraying her.

"I-I just…" Without another word, and feeling a stinging pain in her chest for leaving so suddenly, she turned around and walked out the café.

Coincidence? Fate? She didn't really know, but she could hear Enjolras words perfectly:

"_She doesn't even care about the cause, she's not dedicated."_

Her fist wanted to desperately go directly to Enjolras' face.

But she was more worried about his father's fist going to hers.

One more time, Enjolras' hurtful words managed to get to Eponine's ears.

"_I'll show him." _She thought "_I'll show him."_

"The coast is clear." Eponine said firmly, not daring to look her father.

"Are you sure?" His breath tickled her neck.

She nodded.

"Very well," Her father said, walking around the room "Maybe it's time for you to get involved into daddy's business."

Eponine stopped breathing for a second.

He had said it.

She had no escape now.

She felt regret for not listening to her sister.

She was dead.


	4. Chapter 4

The plate Azelma was holding shattered into a million pieces at her feet.

She didn't even wince in pain.

There was a stronger feeling.

Eponine was breathless, she had used her last breaths to tell Azelma the terrible news.

For a moment, she feared that her sister would faint, but she straighten up and took a deep breath.

"Go." She simply said.

Eponine stared at her. Not knowing what she meant, even though it was obvious, her mind wasn't working properly.

"Go." Azelma repeated, "If you go now, you will be far gone in the morning."

"But-"

"No, don't even try on arguing." She interrupted.

Eponine sighed. She was desperate.

If she stayed, her father would get her to his gang.

If she left…. He sister…

"What about you?" She asked, her voice trembling.

"Don't care about me!" Azelma yelled, "I'm already lost, but if you stay, it will be the both of us!"

Eponine bit the inside of her cheek.

A single tear escaped Eponine's eye.

She wrapped her arms around her skinny body. She didn't bring anything with her, she had no time.

She didn't know what was that made her take that decision.

She regretted leaving Azelma alone.

"Oh my God my life is a mess."

And it was, but she couldn't do anything about it.

She was now helpless, hopeless and _homeless._

She didn't know where to go, her feet where moving around Paris without a destination.

Nowhere, she had nowhere.

Living in the streets scared her.

When she was kicked out from her home for a few days, she was careful to stay near the inn.

But now she had to go as far as possible from the inn.

A vague thought came to her mind.

_The café._

It wasn't long since she left the inn and they were probably still there.

Shivering, she forced her mind to remember where the café was.

Her lips were almost blue when she arrived.

"Eponine!" said Courfeyrac when she noticed her. "What are you doing here? I thought you had to go."

"I-I did. But I did what I had to and now I'm back." That was probably the stupidest thing Eponine ever said, but she couldn't care less.

She stayed close to Marius the whole meeting, not listening to Enjolras' deep words and just focusing on keeping herself warm.

A word, a single word caught her attention.

"Lamarque."

She turned her head everywhere, trying to find who had said it.

"What? What happened?" She whispered, no one seemed to notice.

She spoke a little bit louder, but she seemed invisible to all of them.

She finally made her way to Joly, and asked quietly what was going on.

"He's dead." He explained. "It's our time."

The words seemed to slap her.

Everyone cheered and stood up.

She knew the revolution was close. But not that _close._

She felt dizzy, her whole world was spinning.

A voice, made her snap back into reality.

A child's voice.

She followed the voice, making her way through the crowd.

She then could see it: Enjolras, even with his normal serious expression, seemed happy. His right arm was around someone.

A blonde haired 11-year-old boy Eponine could never forget: Gavroche.

She ran towards them, constantly tripping but instantly getting up.

"Gavroche! Gavroche!" she yelled, but her shouts were another of the many shouts that filled the room.

When she got to them, she didn't even wait for Gavroche to recognize her, she hugged him tightly.

Gavroche seemed taken aback, but immediately hugged back yelling "Eponine!"

She didn't know for how long they stayed like that, until Gavroche pulled back.

"How did you find me?" He asked.

Eponine was about to answer when Enjolras spoke.

"Do you know him?"

She didn't want Enjolras to know Gavroche was her little brother but Gavroche talked first: "Yes! She's my sister!"

In some way, Eponine knew how he was going to react.

Enjolras' face was expressionless, like always.

She just decided to ignore him, and stop him from whatever he was going to say.

It wasn't long until they all started leaving. Even Marius that always stayed till the very end left saying he needed to see 'someone'.

Eponine couldn't help but feel jealous.

Gavroche was the last one to leave, asking if Eponine was going to be alright.

"I'll be fine." She answered.

He smiled and went to join his friends.

She felt like she needed to go with him, but knew Gavroche wouldn't let her.

She sat down, deciding the best thing to do was to sleep there.

A lonely table became her bed.

Her eyes were almost closing when she heard a voice behind her.

"Staying?" She accidentally rolled off the table.

She turned to meet Enjolras, standing in front of her, holding a book.

His usual expressionless face was gone, and now he was smiling.

"Did my fall amuse you, monsieur?" She asked smirking.

The smile immediately disappeared of his face as he helped her to stand up.

"No- Not at all Mademoiselle." He said. "May I ask what are you doing here this late? Shouldn't you have left with Marius?"

"Yes…" She said, looking for an excuse "I was just thinking."

"Thinking about what, may I ask."

She sighed, knowing she wouldn't escape that easily. "Life."

There was an awkward silence, and Enjolras didn't seem like if he was going to say anything, so she went on.

"How life comes and goes so easily. One day you think your life is perfect and the other you find yourself alone in this world." She stopped and noticed Enjolras was standing now next to her, sitting on the table. She sat next to him.

He seemed deep in thought and Eponine wondered if she was going to be the only one talking.

"I sometimes wonder," She continued "What would happened if I died young, if we all died young."

Enjolras turned to her, lightly interested on what she was saying.

"Will we accomplish everything we dreamt of? We will die fighting our own battles or others'? Will-"A sudden thought popped in her head as she stopped.

She was talking like Enjolras.

Not as deep as him though. He had a right education, she didn't.

Enjolras stared at her, like if wanting her to continue, but she didn't know what else to say.

All the ideas she had had once all organized inside her head were now disappearing.

"What would you do, monsieur?" She asked "If you died young, I mean."

"I do not get what you mean, mademoiselle."

"I mean… Would you have any regrets? Would you like to die at a grown age?" Those two questions had nothing to do with each other, but she really wanted to know his answer.

He bit his lip, surprising Eponine.

He had never shown any symptoms of nervousness. He was actually thinking about the question.

"It'd depend, I guess."

"On what?"

"For what cause did I die for."

He was thinking of the revolution.

"_Of course," _Eponine thought "_He can't imagine himself without his precious patria."_

"So… Would you prefer die at a young or a grown age?" She asked, almost unintentionally. It was not a common question, definitely not really formal nor polite. But Eponine didn't know manners or what she should or shouldn't ask.

"At a grown age, definitely." He answered. "Then I could see how our patria is free."

Eponine half-expected his answer.

"What about you, mademoiselle?"

"At a young age, absolutely."

Enjolras eyes widened.

"Why?"

"No more pain." She said, not even realizing what she had said until she saw Enjolras.

"_You're so stupid Eponine!" _She thought.

Enjolras' face was expressionless, as always, but there was something on his eyes. She couldn't guess what but she was sure she had never seen it, not even on another person.

She wanted to say something, but she didn't know what. She waited for Enjolras to say one a sarcastic and hurtful comment but it never came.

"I- I need to go. Can you close?" He said.

Before she could answer he was already out of the café.

"Good," she thought "Now he won't question why am I staying."

She laid down on the table, making herself comfortable.

The moonlight illuminated the room.

Did she really mean what she said?

Did she really have so much pain that she wanted to die young?

At least it was a great option.

If she died young, she wouldn't have to care about getting married (which was something that terrified her since the incident on the market when she was younger.

She wouldn't have to worry about getting a job…

"_A job!" _She almost shouted.

She had to get a job.

She will not be maintained by her parents anymore, even though almost everything they gave them was stolen. Sometimes she _had _to steal herself.

She shivered.

She didn't like the thought.

It was one of the most difficult things she ever had to do.

But she had to do it.

She was laying on her back, staring at the ceiling.

Her eyelids became heavier so she closed them.

"I want to die young." Was her last thought, before she fell into a deep sleep.


End file.
